USA/ Common Conservative -- I went to Home Depot yesterday. The arrival of Spring always forces me into the joys of gardening. Actually, I'm too lazy to really garden. Instead I design a sprinkler system worthy of a Rube Goldberg lifetime achievement award, open the faucet, and call it "gardening."

So I'm looking through the gardening section, sorting out hoses and sprinklers and other cool gizmos that have some undiscovered purpose. I checked out a price tag and I wondered with Clouseau-like suspicion: who made these things? I inspected the hoses: Made in America. The sprinkler? Made in Taiwan. Then I eyed the suspicious little two-buck plastic on-off valves.

"Made in China." The hair on my neck stood at attention.

Frantically, I looked on every shelf. Surely there were other valves, made somewhere else? Nope. If I wanted valves from Home Depot, China got my money. Well, now! I had a decision to make. I sure needed those valves. Without them, no magnificent watering system. Do I begin an epic county-wide search for twenty bucks worth of valves? Or do I knuckle under and buy 'em? After all, I'd have to buy about 5 million valves to fund China's next installment to the Democratic National Committee's election fund. I stood proud. I sucked it up. I decided that here, at Home Depot, I make my stand. The boycott is on. I have fired the first shot. Take that, you commie bastards! You just lost ten bucks! Tom Vs China. This is war.

The feeling of empowerment was intoxicating. Battling the tyrants! Still, I had a lawn to water. I needed valves! I went to Sears. No valves. K-Mart. No valves. I looked everywhere. No luck. Finally, I set my sites on the last stop: Lowes. Would they be an ally in my private little war? I stalked the aisles, hunting down my prey. There! Peeking out behind the grass seed…could it be??? YES!!! Valves! Made in Taiwan! A direct hit! Taiwan gets my ten bucks. China loses my ten bucks. That's a $20 difference. If I do that once a month for a year, that's...um…well, a pretty small stack of George Washington's, I guess.

So where else could I fight the godless scum who run the world's largest dictatorship? It was getting late. I was hungry. So, I stopped by my favorite Chinese restaurant. What better way to support the entrepreneurial dissidents than ordering Peking Duck? Besides, anyone who escapes oppressive murderers and comes to America is my personal hero. They are brothers in arms.

I told my story to the manager. She laughed. After all, she elevated this battle to another level just by escaping to America. Our waitress left a father behind in a Chinese prison. They wanted her too, but she got to the boat before they knew she was gone. The busboy won't tell anyone anything. His story is a mystery. He just packed a knapsack and left Canton. With no money in his pocket he chose America, and somehow made it to our shores. I have no questions. I love that guy.

It's bizarre, if you think about it. Americans think our daily battles for parking spaces and wrinkled shirts belong in an award-winning novel. We know nothing about the hell most people endure as bloody tyrants steal their God-given rights. But we can learn. Even when the world's governments don't have the sense or fortitude to tell dictators where to pound, the American consumer can wake up and wage war, wielding the greatest weapon of all: our money. Karl Marx once said capitalists would sell communists the rope to hang ourselves. Bernard Schwartz may have been willing to sell rocket guidance systems to China…heck, he might be willing to sell his daughter to Bill Clinton for all I know…but why not prove Marx wrong yet again? When the American consumer becomes riled up, we can defeat anyone. Let's take on China! Consider the motivations: capitalism defeats communism! Good triumphs over evil! And sometimes, you want to win just cause somebody ticked you off. And right now, I want that plane back.

Even the greatest war is won one battle at a time. Let's put on our white hats, saddle up, and aim our wallets. Are you with me? Hey…good news…it only costs a couple bucks to win.

Tom Adkins is executive publisher at The Common Conservative.