SEATTLE/ Conservative Monitor -- Every liberal cause has its day, week, month or year, proclaimed by who knows what authority. We now have the Great American Smoke Out, Arbor Day, Coddle an EnviroEcoExtremist day; we even have April 28 declared as Kiss Your Mate Day, a dangerous proposition in Australia.

I have decided that it is high time Real Men declared their own national days on the calendar. This is important, because we need recognition and understanding from the rest of society. We need to educate the populace about the plight of the average male.

Thus the Second Tuesday of next week will be declared National Clean Your Gun and Eat Greasy Bacon Day. I want everyone to get out their guns, shotgun, rifle, pistol, 3"/54 dual-mounted - 80 round per minute - fore and aft emplacements, or whatever you have, and work like the dickens to clean these fine mechanical instruments.

This is as important as planting a tree on Arbor Day, because it helps preserve your weapon and ensures it will be around in the future when the gun control advocates try to make weapons extinct. Also, it is a good time to teach your kids a bit about gun-safety, self-protection and to educate them in some principles of Jeffersonian Democracy.

Now, a day set aside for gun cleaning, or even a trip to the rifle range, would be nice, but to top it off with a good breakfast would make it perfect. That is what the bacon part of the day is all about. Bacon for breakfast, just the smell of it invading every corner of the house, seeping out the windows and wafting down into the street. It will be a wake-up call to those who do not yet know about our new "awareness" day.

Just think of it. Hundreds of homes in every neighborhood, all cooking bacon at the same time. The mouth-watering aroma would be irresistible. Even vegetarians passing through the neighborhood would find themselves wondering what that wonderful smell might be, and they would crave that forbidden taboo. I can see them now falling on their knees begging for one thin strip to tantalize their meat-starved tongues.

Bacon is great, but a nice omelet or a couple of eggs over-medium, with toast, hash browns and maybe, just maybe some grits. Now, I'm not a Southerner, but grits can sure complement a four-square breakfast. Add some hot coffee and you have the start to a perfect nationally declared day.

The end result? The public will gain a new understanding of what "Real Manhood" is all about - or perhaps they will have the old stereo-types reinforced.

So, don't forget to mark your calendars. It will, be just like Christmas when you were a kid. On National Clean Your Gun and Eat Greasy Bacon Eve, you will go to bed when the sun goes down, just so you can get up with its rising and get the full enjoyment from this educational day.