WASHINGTON/ Justice Rendered -- Phillips: Today I have the honor and pleasure to discuss issues with Senator Ted Kennedy. Senator it's a honor to have this time to talk to you.

Kennedy: Burp…….. I bet it is!

Phillips: Wooooo….. Senator, was that good-old sipping whiskey or vodka I just smelled from that belch you rendered my way?

Kennedy: Listen Jerk, I thought we were going to discuss the issues facing Americans and not my personal habits!

Phillips: Sorry Senator. Let's start with my favorite issue, the second amendment. Give us your take on our Founding Fathers and the right to keep and bear arms.

Kennedy: They, no doubt, were drunk, burp……….. when they wrote this amendment. Let me back-up; maybe it was a good thing to have this amendment since during this era of America history we were faced with the threat from Japan, and we needed a militia to meet this threat.

Phillips: Senator, with no disrespect, but I believe that was the British during this era.

Kennedy: Burb….. Your just a regular little smart-@#s ain't you! All of you @#% conservatives are just alike!

Phillips: Sorry. Maybe I should have asked the question differently.

Kennedy: You're @%# right you should have. Don’t try to get in a history "text" with old Ted….

Phillips: Once again Senator and with no disrespect, I believe that’s "test" not text."

Kennedy: Are you ever going to ask me a real question you little conservative redneck? Belch…..

Phillips: Guns! How do you feel about ones rights to own guns?

Kennedy: I think that Senator McCain is doing the right thing for all Americans with his message about guns that is being broadcasted in all the theaters across the country. He is showing true bi-partisanship with his message. Well, maybe he's kissing a little @#s too…he-he…ha-ha-ha, burb……..…

Phillips: Senator, do you own a firearm?

Kennedy: Burb….. Not sure?

Phillips: Ok, I want to purchase a gun right after we finish this interview. What are your feelings on this?

Kennedy: Don't carry it into the theater.

Phillips: So, you do agree that Americans do have the right to purchase and bear arms!

Kennedy: I think your just like all the, burp……., rest of the @#%$@#$ conservatives by avoiding the question.

Phillips: Senator, I see you brought your reading glasses with you. Would you please read this question that I've written on this piece of paper.

Kennedy: Ooooo….., now were going to get into a @#% reading contest! …burp…belch….burp….

Phillips: Senator, with all due respect, please read the question. Maybe it will help both us get on the same page here.

Kennedy: Give me that @#$ paper, burp. OK, Do you believe that Americans have the right to keep and …….., I'm not going to read, or answer this question. It's a trick question!

Phillips: Senator, On behalf of all Americans, I thank you for your time and it's been a pleasure talking to with you today.

Kennedy: Burb……., what's wrong? Had enough of avoiding the issues? You @#% conservatives are all alike! HeHe…HaHa……burp…..blech….burp…

Phillips: Once again, thanks for your time Senator. By the way, want to go down to the pub and have a few with me? I'll buy the first round!

Kennedy: Meet you there in fifteen minutes!

Phillips: Ladies and gentleman, I hope you enjoy our conversation today with Senator Kennedy, and I hope you will join us next week when I have the pleasure to sit-down with Rosie O'Donnell.

Scotty Phillips is an independent columnist. He is the author of the book "JUSTICE RENDERED 2000." He can be reached at Scotty@JusticeRendered.com or www.justicerendered.com